I know life is hard. I see whats going on in my life. I see it in others. I know I messed up in the past I understand that things aren't going good right now but at lest I left the crap that happen in the past is in the past.
I really don't understand why I can't just leave the past there. I have a life now Im going to be a mom soon. I just turn 19 in march. I have someone in my life that loves me and cares for me. why do I have to hold shit in the past. Its wrong. Its not doing me any good. I really don't understand. My boyfriend thinks I want other people but I don't. I swear Im trying to change my life. Im trying to open up and just not fight with him. I really feel like things aren't going well. He does so much for me and I see it. But my dum head is keeping crap I shouldn't. I know I love him. I love him with all my heart he doesn't even know how much I love him. I quit talking to alot of people. He doesn't know all the shit I been through just to come here to be with him. I LOVE
him so it doesn't matter. He makes me happy but why can't we leave all the crap that happen in the past stay in the past. I Don't understand why we both just don't realize like whatever happen before we wasn't together in person or before thinking about being together. Why can't we just leave it in the past and Not bring it up. The only thing that matters is were together and were happy together. Im really sick of fighting over lil crap. the past is the past we need to just get over it. I LOVE him i can't take this no more. I just want him to relax we both need to realax. Things are getting out of hand. If we love each other the way we say we do then we will leave the past away we would leave all the things behind that happen before the day we were together as one. He doesn't even know that I have all this things planed for him. Today I went to go pick out his ring. In a couple of days im going to get his house so he can live in a better place then have to deal with others drama. Im trying to do so much for him I take care of him. I always make sure he has the things he needs. I get him ready for work. I put out his clothes. I help him with everything even to put on his shoes. I help him alot even when he doesn't feel good. I LOVE him so dam much. why?? doesn't he realize that?? why doesn't he see that I love him. I know we go threw things and we fight or we don't get along at times but why doesn't he see the things I DO for me him. Am I not good enuff for him. I swear im trying to do so much.He goes to work and comes home everyday. Im very lucky to have a man like him. No one out there would do that for me. I just don't understand why do we fight about things that doesn't matter. Things that just don't matter because the things we fight about that bother me is things that happen months before we were together or things that don't matter no more. Im here with him no one but him the day I walked in his house was the day all the things that happen before we saw each other didn't matter no more. The day we saw each other was the day I realize I WANTED to spend the rest of my life with him his the one for me. As the days went on I never wanted to let him go. Everyday I seen him smile it made me so dam happy. I miss that so dam much. I will do anything to feel that again. I miss when he holds me and kisses me and holds me and never let go. I miss how he use to hold me and lay there and kiss me. All this stupid past things get in the way of things. It makes me sick im so tired of it I really am. If he loves me or if i love him things like that won't matter. It wouldn't get to us. Why do we let a lil thing get to us. I love him so dam much everyday I have with him I cherish it. I LOVE HIM SO DAM MUCH. I can't deal with so much but when I see him it goes away. I feel do love him I really wish he would see this if he loved me and really care the things that happen before we were together in hand and hand wouldnt matter.The only thing that matters is now. The things we go threw now. Not before. I really don't know anymore I really want him to really see whats up I love him to dam much to let him get mad for some bullshit that can get squash and not let that it go. I really don't know but I know from now till his ready to talk im going to let him go an let him do whatever he wants until his ready to talk to me because im going to let him think things threw and im going to be here for him im not gonna let some dum crap get us down we been threw so much. This is just a lil bump in life that we have to get threw and if i have to get threw it and deal with it i will im not going to let him go i love him to much to let him go. Im not going to let some dum ass thing get between us cause all that matters is us as one as together as a person as a couple as parents for our baby. I WANT THINGS TO BE GOOD AND WORK OUT AND GET THREW THIS DRAMA......I just really hope he doesn't leave me i really hope he gets threw this and realize its nada we been threw worse and i wont leave him im going to be by his side.
